Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Cancer free

Quick heard it cancer free.
She used the words cancer survivor, cancer free and lucky all in a 10 minute span.
She also told me I was an overachiever who needed to "Knock it off", or I will be sick again.
I couldn't understand why I am still so sick especially if I am now in the clear.
She clearly outlined the why's and told me after close examination that it will be several more weeks until I feel remotely like myself.

I have not gotten the clear to be back at work, in some ways that is good as I am ill so much.

I will update more tomorrow but wanted everyone to know I am thrilled, well more than thrilled to not have cancer.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The day before the big day..LOL

Nothing new to report today, same old.
I am hoping tomorrow comes fast and that this is a distant memory as of Thursday.
I continue to struggle with really feeling good, but I know, I know it will come.

Here is what I am thinking about all of you today...

Sometimes when I am
really down, and nobody
seems to be my friend,
I think of you
and the gentlest eyes
I've ever seen,
The warmest smile,
the most accepting heart.
I think of what you mean to me
and before long......
the skies of living
are clear again
and the sun of hope
is warm

- M shader

A billion thanks to all of you
So here I go, into the sunshine..............

Friday, April 9, 2010

Here is me with my cool gifts via TBay


The weather, always easier to talk about the weather is exactly as it should be, struggling but warm and sun and happy will win, promise, just give it some time.

Life is good, not much change, but that is good.

Uncle Tom, I love the poem, you really are neato eh. I miss you.

Already talking about summer plans and what to do, what to do. i think this is come by surprise and hope summer holds off a bit, cuz once it is here it too will be gone. Sometimes the anticipation is just as good as the event, sometimes better. We will be heading off to TBay as soon as we can. The exact dates need to be ironed out but we will head to where our hearts are, where I feel closest to my mom and am surrounded by love, laughter....and the most important to be near the grandma, the rock as I refer to her. She however has begun to call herself grandma moses...too funny grandma.

Sam has his big dance recital this weekend. I am nervous for him, but he seems to have it going on. It should prove to be something wonderful. I will take pictures.

Auntie Mern got the boys the Beatles rock band........hilarious. They think they are the Beatles. Will is Ringo, Ben is Paul and Sam is the other guy....and of course Myah is John Lennon. They have raced home everyday this week to play for me. They play yellow submarine best of all.

Enjoy your days off they only come every 5 days.
luv ya

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

One more

more photos

April Showers....bring May flowers

A couple of pictures of the kids at the end of the season for soccer and hockey. Also one of Ben's stitches..yikes.

i cannot believe we are in April...I have sicked away the entire winter. I feel better everyday still too slow for me but happy it is going in the right direction. I need a nap everyday and cannot manage stress too well, but things are coming.

Everyone around here is happy to have some warm sunshine and get out of the house where it has begun to feel kinda like a prison. I still love my bedroom apt., but it too has become kinda small. I am venturing out as much as I can manage and hoping it encourages my body to be well and back to myself. Not so sure I will ever be exactly the same, but like I said before I am better in some ways in much worse in others. It seems my strengths have turned on me, like my endless energy is completely depleted, my ability to prioritize, time manage and get the job done......out the window. However, I am better at taking it slow, truly enjoying the moments, being able to see what really matters and feeling lucky just about every minute of every day. I no longer feel life is so hard, it seems wonderful and kinda cool now...the only problem is that it is going by way too fast all of a sudden.

We are heading right into lacrosse season, can't wait. All three boys will play again this year, Sam is goalie and Will and Ben play out. It will be exciting.

May is busy as well....Will is confirmed on May 6 (I think), Ben turns 12 May 2 and Myah 7 on May 3. Doris is coming to visit May 7, a major highlight for all of us. That brings us almost to the end of the school year and straight into high-school, don't I sound excited about that...?? Is there a program for parents with separation issues on that front? Will can't wait, has come way way too fast.

Got the ultimate coolest care package from my uncle Tom cat and Carolyn....way cool. The creativity is was so perfect. Especially the tiara. Thank you so much.

Happy spring

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Last day of March

Feeling better all the time. I think I am starting to mentally and internally feel better than I have for a long time. The actual surgery recovery is taking a long time, but that is coming too. I can tell in my heart that I have the cancer out of me and I am truly on the mend. It feels really good.

Energy comes and goes, but I am trying to make the best of it and take it slow. It is funny because no matter what you might want to do, your body decides right now. I had no idea I was so bossy and controlling, god bless Vik.

Everyone here seems to be doing better. The kids take their cues from me and as long as I try to do things they seem to feel life is returning to normal. Myah asked me if I wanted to go for a jog with her............ya right, Soon.

Just in case someone missed this on the blogathon...I go back to Dr. Kupets @ Sunnybrook on April 14/10 @ like 2:30pm. i will get my all clear or not that day...I am sure sure sure it will be all good and get back to normal.

i am worried for everyone at work. I can feel the stress and upset from home, can't imagine how it feels being there with all the pending layoffs, position losses. I can tell you I can't really handle it, my ability to roll with things is unfortunately broken right now. i do hope everything is settled soon and the stress is minimal.

love you all

Monday, March 29, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

Happy Monday everyone. Had a great weekend.

I was out and about a lot, managed well and I still don't feel too crappy today. I am thrilled about that.

I rest when I can between events and that helped with being able to watch the kids finals, made us all feel normal.

Sam won the championship for soccer, he was thrilled. It was amazing. Big trophy, big self esteem boost.

Ben and Will both lost in the A final's to come in second place in their divisions, I think that is amazing. They both were so gracious and such classy, sportsmanlike players, it was neat to see them so grown up. Hockey is now officially over.

Lacrosse will start in a few weeks and all three boys will play. Sam has agreed to be goalie for Ben's team again, so an exciting season awaits.

Congratulations to all you Around the Bay runners, I followed you all and am proud of all of you, congratulations.

Vik took me to the movie's on Sat eve....we saw Hot Tub Time Machine. Stop what you are doing and go see it, I laughed until I blew a stitch, it is GREAT.

have a wonderful week.

Luv you all

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Pay Day...gotta love Thursday.

Better day today, much. I can see a pattern, takes me some time but I can see it now. I feel much better every second day. Cool, I can live with that. Got the OK to drive a little and that makes me feel free. Not that I can go far because of everything else but if I want to....heh I can.

Ben's leg it doing great, he is good as new.

Myah has taken to wearing a big bandage on her arm, no injury, just seeking if you see her feel free to shower her in love and caring..this is her goal.

Finals for hockey this weekend, and then all done. Both Ben and Will are playing both days this weekend. I am planning to try to catch at least one of the games, but need to play that by how I feel.

Samuell is also in the finals for soccer this Sat.

The big run is this Sunday........Around the Bay. I thought I would make it out...only to cheer you on, but doesn't look like that will happen. Amanda, Colleen, Maria, Trish, Jaq, Randy, and everyone else.............Smoke this thing for me. The weather rocks, don't want it too hot for the Bay or too cold. I think it will be just right. Everything is possible, just BELIEVE. I am cheering for you no no keep going.

Ottawa is coming soon after, those that did can totally do the full. As Colleen would say "It is sooooooooo doable".

I truely love you all near and far.

Ferma and Chris thanks for the movie's, I am loving them.

Sonya, Rob and Teta and, thanks so much for the amazing thoughtful prezzies....they are great and so thoughtful.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Tuesday March 23,2010...I think

Well...It has been like I was back in high school for the last 4 days. SuAnne and I have not changed one bit...well a little, but not much, just a little older than our 12 year old selves. That just means we have more money. Thank you from the bottom of my heart SuAnne, I will miss you so much. Also thank you to Paul for looking after the girls so she could come and help look after me. My heart is lighter now. The only problem is I will miss you.

Kids are still struggling a bit. Not sure how to help them. I just hope I continue to get better faster so i at least start to appear normal. Myah has been in tears every 5 minutes and doesn't want anyone but me to do everything. They have each struggled in their own way and I am hoping this is almost over. We are all at our limit for now.

Janice and Kim sent a beautiful basket cool. Thank you so much, I have never seen anything like that before.

Natalie what can I say....I love you too, they are beautiful. I cannot wait to get to this summer, I will be making you run down that long camp road with me again - of course we can stop to breath - but not for long. We miss you very much. Kids said they really wish you would come here and visit. Maybe at the start of July if you have nothing up...??

I continue to feel crappy most of the time. This is driven me crazy...not bored, too sick for that, but just want my life back. I catch glimpses of it here and there, but it still feels out of reach right now. I know it is just around the corner.

Heh Pamela............can I get a tea please......thirsty over here.

Cindy, cookie lady, I am growing a huge ass laying in bed eating all your treats. i cannot resist, yummy.

Paula and Claus, thanks for welcoming SuAnne into your home and being so great.

Food continues to be wonderful, and it amazes me how much we need it, I am always the last to know..........where would we be without all of you, thank you so much.

Have an amazing Tuesday, the sun is coming.......just stay tuned.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Back to School

Well...they are off to school, house is quiet and calm.

We had a good March break thanks to lots of help from everyone. Couldn't have done it without you guys. You kept our kids busy and happy. What more can we ask. Thank you so much from the bottom of my (our) heart.

I have SuAnne staying with me for a couple of days, all the way from Ottawa, to make sure I continue to rest and get better while everyone returns to work and school. We don't get to spend lots of time together anymore so this is really great and she is taking very good care of me. Gee I am really getting spoiled. Everyone can start to call me Eloise..I do kinda live in my apt...aka Penthouse most of the time anyway...(my bedroom).

I do feel better all the time, kinda one step forward, slow easy steps. I just want to be back to normal........still a ways off I think.

Thanks to Karen and Family for the special

Welcome home to the March breakers who left the area, glad to have you back.

Big giant thank you again for March break madness you guys.

Also the food has been wonderful, just wonderful..we are so grateful.

luv you all

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Saturday March 20, 2010

Hello out there.
I am feeling better and better....and better.

I actually went to see Sam play his last soccer game today in his tournament. He scored 2 goals, Sam U rock.
It was really great to see him play, I actually felt normal for half an hour...and I showered, cool.

I can see I will heal quicker now that I am on my way...thank goodness...amen.
It is easier to heal the surgery part and the emotional part is coming...slowly but coming.

Ben tossed us a curveball last eve...cut his leg.......5 stitches at Port Perry Hospital, Vik loved that.
We have no dull moments at our house. Ben was worried he wouldn't be able to play hockey but it looks like he will make it.

I hope everyone is doing well this March break and getting ready to be back at it come Monday.

Vik has been working non stop on Will's bedroom...with Claus of course...I call them Dick and Richard. Such a cute couple. I will be thrilled if that room can get done.

I have napped and read most of the week and the days fall into each other, except I have Myah here to remind to hurry up and wake up and get up...she is not going to let me slack off at all.

I love you all

I have gotten the nicest letters of support and love from the most unexpected places, they are so wonderful to get and I appreciate them so very very much. I am grateful.

laugh often, love much and make sure to giggle

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Better and Better

I am up and about....slow but sure. Can't sit up for too long, it makes me really tiered and sick.

I am definitely better every day, but it is still too slow for me.

I want to just be back to normal, not sure what the deal is with my need to fight the reality of the situation, I guess it is just me.

March break has been kinda funny, I can't do anything, including help out at all. We are actually enjoying our stay cation.

I can build anything and renovate and decorate now, hours and hours of fix it and sell it shows are teaching me a lot. Also makes our house look like a big pile of poop.

i thought I might drive the kids to the movie's the other day, but my good buddy Claus reminded me I was high on narcotics and put a stop to that...thanks Claus. I do keep pushing the envelope.

I sat in the sun all day yesterday and I actually do not look like a vampire today, a little colour goes a long way to feeling better.

I have to say thank you again for all the thoughtful, lovely truly meaningful gifts, activities for the kiddies and love. It makes me feel like a shitty friend compared to all of you...I promise to pull up my big girl panties and take your lead.

We continue to laugh a little louder each day around here and the silence is definitely over since Myah arrived home Tuesday eve.

Be safe, be swell and be well....luv ya

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tuesday March 16. 2010

This being unable to do much sucks.
I am moving a bit more, but it is not easy and I still feel really exhausted and sick most of the time.
I am not pushing it, but come on......It is scary how quickly your body stops working if you don't move it.

The weather is great sitting in my bedroom by the window in the big rocking chair, it is very healing.
Sunshine does wonders for broken spirits.

The kids have been great, we get the other two home today so will have to see how that goes. I have really missed them.

I appreciate all the support you guys have been given me, dinner, flowers, lip gloss, bran muffins and more...and especially all the kindness and love, it blows me away.

Have a great Tuesday, almost half way through the March We all better pay attention life is flying by.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

My First Outing.....

My first big adventure was to the Superstore with Vik. I forgot the rule of.........of where ever I go I must come back. Spent a whole lot of time in the furniture section sitting down. Just need some time to gear up to get back to the car.........Home safe and sound. I think I may go for a nap.

I passed, I passed, I passed

I am over the moon, I passed the test. Not the dignity one the other more bag...yeepee!

I sat on the toilet from 11am to 1:45pm when she got here pushing, to make sure I had nothing left in me.

It worked, see you can study for a test you don't know how to take.....I also thought of just not drinking anything at all to beat the test...the levels I am stooping.

When you see me, I will be wearing my pants loudly and proudly....
It also means I can leave my bedroom, so here I come world.

Ben is very happy, he was so worried I was going to carry my bag into the arena. I might fake him out and take it anyway.

today is celebration day, I am going out.

bagLESS lady

Sunday Sunday

Today has started off not too bad. I am in the middle of my big test, nurse was here @ 8:45 to take it out, now I have to go...get it go...and then call them. They then return test it with what looks like a snake someone would use to unplug the toilet and if anything else comes out @ that time, back in it goes. I will update later, hopefully without the bag.

Nothing new around here, quiet weekend. I am sleeping less during the day and that makes the night sleeping better. It is very quiet without Sam and Myah here to stir things up.

I watched that movie where the Wild things are....not so much. I wasn't thrilled about it. SLOW.

It is so great to hear from the girls in the great white north....see we do live way too far apart. I say that every summer. I love you guys.

I put pants on right now cuz I can at least until she comes back...just because I can.


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Sweet Saturday

Happy Saturday and what is the first day of the March break. How is it we have gotten to the March break?? I do hope whatever your plans, near or far they are fun and safe. We have 2 less kids for 4 days thanks to Pamela and Rob and it actually feels like we have no kids. WEIRD. Good timing is everything and this is good timing for all of us.

I am up and around, a little trying to do more everyday. I am also nervous about the big test tomm. like what are the qualifications of these "nurses" coming into my house to "test" me. I don't trust them and they will have me in a pretty ackward situation, I think we might have to have a drink together before we do the test, just like a first date.

I guess all dignity goes out the window when we first have kids, but man it just keeps going down hill. It will give me a cuckle at some point so that might make it all worth while.

We are finally getting the computer issue around here resolved today we hope. This Vik has wanted since he turned 40, so big day for the big guy.

Good luck to all the hockey boys in the playoff games, play hard.

Had a lovely dilivery from Jill and Amy this you are wonderful, thank you.

Luv the bag lady
Sam and Myah - I love and miss you, hope you are having fun....I know you are.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Here are the metal standings!!!
Congratulations to all the athletes!! What fun we had.
Love you - Auntie Pamela

Thank God It's Friday

TGIF...the only downer is that I still have a tube coming out of my bladder. Kinda puts a new twist on a beer drinking contest, I could so win..never have to get up. My nurse (the real one) was here this AM and she says we are going to test taking the catheter out this Sunday, but I have to pass a test to keep it out....WHAT. How do you study for this type of test?? I will cram until Sunday to ensure I can get it out and keep it out. If it was that easy eh. There is hope though.

The kids had a contest all week in our attempt to get them to go to school. Ben won with overall standings and William finally finished in metal standing this AM. This has worked so well, it is a new program at the Utrosa household for daily scheduling timeliness.

Have a wonderful weekend, Vik is on duty after this afternoon, oh boy.

luv you all

Thursday, March 11, 2010

week one and counting

Well...yesterday was better. I see the pattern, takes me some time but ya about 2% better everyday, so in 50 days I will be 100%, gee when do we get to 50 days. I go in and out of feeling good. good for 1 hour, sleep for 3, good for 2 sleep for 1, etc etc.

I wish I could say I was bored but being laid up keeps you busy, just to go to have a face wash etc takes the entire morning, we all know I have no time for this.

I go back on April 14/10 to see Dr. Kupets for the pathology report and plan, so I have some time to feel better (I sure hope 50 days happens by then).

What can I say about the food coming into this house, wow. The kids have been loving it, they think we should keep this plan in place all the time, it is great. Thank you so much, had no idea how much we did need this and it is helping so much.

Kids are good, Vik is good. Pamela leaves Friday, I will miss nurse nancy. Vik is home to nurse me next week and Pamela is taking half the little people with her until Tuesday...This will help so much.

love the sun this week, it is urging me to be well.................I hear you mom.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

day 6

Goodmorning pep's. It actually is a good morning. I am up and and around, thanks to nurse Nancy...who lets me get away with nothing. Good thing I love her. Kids played basketball and went to dance and sparks last night, all had good times and today are grumpy and tired. I slept most of yesterday, just not a good day, but today has started better, I know this because I can actually focus so far...I might even venture down the stairs who knew this would require much prompting and guidance, and support.

This is a good way to get in touch with me, I will check often.

I have heard from a good source that Sam's Dance contest winner is the Fyfe family....a think they are getting the big cheque...congratulations.

luv ya.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Today is day 4
Shitty shit shit.
Honest to God - I didn't sign up for this.
Having said all of that. Every day a little better.
I am still not up for calls or visits. But I know you are all out there cheering for me and doing all the little (and not so little) things to allow me to heal.
Kiss your kids and love your better half tonight - love ya

Monday, February 1, 2010

Hey Colleen - you may want to start by posting the information that you sent out in the email after your visit from Sunnybrook.

It was such good news - I am sure everyone will want to know about it.
This is where you can come and read, post and learn more about all the workings of the wonderful world of Colleen.